SPECIAL Birthday Tribute To Former President Goodluck Jonathan By JOSEF ONOH

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The former southeast spokesman to President Bola Ahmed Tinubu Denge.Josef Onoh has sent an endearing personalized birthday message to former President Goodluck Jonathan, Onoh in his message reffered to Goodluck as ( The man who needs no introduction, yet somehow still gets one every five minutes),

Onoh in his message said, Today, as you add yet another classy ring to the finest iroko tree in Otuoke, I, Denge Josef Onoh – your self-appointed Chief Praise-Singer, Professional Troublemaker, and Uncertified Hype Man – rise to salute you with the full force of my Igbo-Nigerian lungs and a sprinkle of mischievous joy.

Sir, you are not just a former President. You are the Golden Goose that laid the egg of modern democratic expectations in Nigeria and indeed Africa – an egg so perfectly democratic, so smoothly transferred, that up till this very day in 2025, nobody has managed to hatch anything close to it!

I remember putting up a full page advert in the nation newspaper of 15th of February 2010 captioned “Goodluck Nigeria, welcome Mr. President! At a time you were not even sworn in as acting president but today i can say it was worth it, because others have tried.

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Some have cackled loudly, flapped their wings dramatically, and sat on the nest for years… yet all we get are scrambled disappointments. Your egg? Still the gold standard. Michelin-starred. UNESCO-worthy. Even EFCC cannot investigate how shiny it remains!

They said you were too gentle. Too “goodluckian.” Sir, gentleness is not weakness – it is advanced witchcraft! You disarmed an entire nation with a smile and a bow tie.

While others were busy flexing muscles and shouting “political slogans!”, you looked at the camera on March 28, 2015, and with the calm of a man ordering suya at 11 p.m., you said, “The unity of Nigeria is more important than any one man’s ambition.” That single sentence broke the internet, healed hypertension in millions of Nigerians, and made even your opponents secretly whisper, “This man fine pass trouble o!”

You conceded before INEC finished uploading results from Server-land. You called your opponent – on a day when many would have called a press conference, a pastor, or at least their village deity – and you said, “Congratulations, President-elect.” Chai! Some of us nearly fainted from excess democracy. Blood pressure dropped across the nation.

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Hospitals recorded zero admissions for political shock that week. You saved more lives with that phone call than most Health Ministers manage in four years!

And let’s talk about your name – Goodluck. Sir, that name is not ordinary. It is a national cheat code. Every time Nigeria was about to enter “one chance,” your name activated and we escaped. Boko Haram wanted madness? Your name whispered, “Not today.” Militants wanted to blow up everything? Your name said, “Cool down, take amnesty.” Even the dollar was behaving small when you were there… until it heard you were leaving and decided to start forex pilgrimage.

You transformed Abuja from a city of “Area Boys in agbada” to a place where roads actually had lanes and streetlights worked after 6 p.m. You gave us Almajiri schools (something others only give mouth to), YouWiFi (okay, maybe not perfect, but at least we had hope and data), and the only agricultural policy that made rice farmers smile so much their teeth needed sunscreen.

You left power and went home to read books, rear fish, and watch birds – living the soft life that broke the jinx of “once you taste Aso Rock, you can never leave.”

Others are still squatting in the corridor of power like stubborn tenants refusing to vacate one-room self-contained. But you? You handed over the keys, took selfie with the new landlord, and went to enjoy fresh fish pepper soup in peace. That is not just grace – that is premium, exported, foreign grace!

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On this your special day, I pray that the good luck that follows you like personal assistant will overflow. May your fish pond never lack fingerlings. May your enemies continue to miscalculate and self-destruct. May every attempt to rewrite your legacy crash like Nigerian servers on election result day. And may you live so long that your great-grandchildren will still be collecting “Goodluck Jonathan Democracy Dividend” in 2150.

Happy 68th Birthday, Golden Goose!
Keep laying those golden democratic eggs. We are still eating the omelette from 2015 – e never finish!

Onoh in a humorous conclusion ended his message with his maximum respect, zero decorum, and plenty love,
Denge Josef Onoh
(Your unofficial Minister of Hype and Chief Marketing Officer of the Jonathan Legacy) 🪿🥚🇳🇬🎂

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