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In its cunning, man’s little cousin, the monkey, engages in shady deals called monkey business. A solemn reminder of man’s unsevered umbilical cord from the jungle, the monkey sprints on the Darwinian track that links wildlife to humanity.
Across global cultures, the monkey jumps up and down on the seesaw of mischief and smartness, occasionally jumping off to stupidity, earning its notoriety in Idanre, the hilly town of Ondo State, renowned for its cheeky monkeys.
In the ancient city of Nikko, Japan, a 17th Century carving of three monkeys above the door in Tosho-gu shrine gifted the world a philosophical maxim many years after. The three carved monkeys are Mizaru, Kikazaru and Iwazaru. With his hands, Mizaru covers his eyes, saying, ‘See no evil’; Kikazaru covers his ears with his hands, saying, ‘Hear no evil’, and Iwazaru covers his mouth, saying, ‘Speak no evil’, completing the Confucius tripartite Code of Conduct: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, which has taken a new meaning today.
“Abstain from every form of evil,” warns the fiery Apostle Paul, in his first letter to the Thessalonians, Chapter 5, verse 22.
But presidency-seeking and heaven-craving Man of God, Osinbajo, didn’t see no evil, didn’t hear no evil and didn’t say no evil, last week, when, potentially, the most morally corrupt President in the history of Nigerian democracy, General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), dipped the Nigerian flag in the mud of shame.
Like no other regime or administration in the annals of the nation, the Buhari regime has produced outstanding G.O.A.Ts: Greatest of All Thieves in various levels of government.
The acquiescence of the Senior Advocate Osinbajo to Buhari’s pardon of fraud convicts, former governors Joshua Dariye and Jolly Nyame of Plateau and Taraba states respectively, reflects the high-power corruption, hypocrisy and nepotism that will attend the Presidency of Osinbajo who has vowed to continue in the Buhari retarded ways, should he find his way to power.
I’m neither a lawyer nor a SAN, but I know, like millions of Nigeria do, that the indefensible pardon granted Dariye and Nyame was a travesty of justice, waste of public funds and the enthronement of corruption as the guardian angel of the Buhari-Osinbajo regime.
I’m not a professor, but the cords of my conscience twang and tell me that it’s murder on the altar of justice to pardon Dariye who’s still wanted for money laundering trial in England, having jumped bail since December 2004.
I’m not a pastor, but the content of my character whispers me to silence beside the rolling waters. Intently, I listened and heard the waters say these eternal truths: “Tunde, Buhari has failed God and country. Osinbajo says he will continue where Buhari stopped; what a calamity! Time shall tell whether or not Nigerians are wiser or stupider than they were in 2019.
Today, Nigerians are committing suicide without ceasing. Between 1968 and 1970, war-ravaged Biafrans didn’t commit suicide. Under Buhari-Osinbajo, Nigeria is in cardiac arrest!”
I’m not a stupendously wealthy father, but none of my well-trained sons will ever behave like the son of Osinbajo, Fiyinfunoluwa, who brought out a bag of money on a bus ride, spending dollars like a drunken sailor – in company with some sons of prominent politicians. What work does Fiyinfunoluwa, Osinbajo’s only son do? Is his salary paid in dollars? How much dollars were in Fiyinfunoluwa’s big black bag?
Still talking goats. When Leke, the son of the General Overseer, The Redeemed Christian Church of God, called RCCG pastors goats, his father and the church made sure he tendered a public apology just as the RCCG meted out punishment to Leke. What lessons did Senior Pastor Osinbajo take from the Adeboye example?
For seven years running, Buhari has indulged his only son, Yusuf, with various multi-million naira motorbikes while poor Nigerians are wracked by starvation.
Buhari also gives his daughter, Hanan, any presidential jet of her choice to fly her on photoshoots like she did in 2020 when she went to photograph a durbar organised by the Emir of Bauchi, Rilwan Adamu. And Aisha, Buhari’s wife, lives in Dubai. This is the heritage of failure Osinbajo vows to continue with.
In line with his ‘See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil’ wisdom, Osinbajo, in his presidential declaration bid, says, “In the past seven years, I have served as Vice President under a true Nigerian patriot, a servant of the nation in times of war and peace, and a man of integrity, President Muhammadu Buhari.”
I can never call Buhari a man of integrity! Inside Buhari’s Banana Republic, 68-year-old Shi’a leader, Sheikh Ibrahin El-Zakzaky, was clamped into jail, along with his wife, Zeenat, for 2,055 days – almost six years – while hundreds of his followers were killed by military forces in 2015. The fact that the court had ordered the release of the couple since 2016 didn’t matter to Kaduna Governor, Nasir el-Rufai, nor Buhari and Osinbajo who watched while citizens’ rights were abused.
Continuously, the three ancient monkeys respectively covered their eyes, ears and mouth; seeing no evil, hearing no evil, saying no evil.
Also, a 70-year-old, Lawal Abdullahi, was arrested in Katsina by the Katsina State Commissioner of Police, alongside two other persons for insulting Buhari and Katsina governor, Aminu Masari, on social media.
Abdullahi’s crime was that he withdrew his support for Buhari and Masari in a viral video after all his cows were rustled, and he was left with nothing but hunger. Abdullahi had said he was disappointed by both leaders.
The Buhari-Osinbajo fascism was quick to arrest the 70-year-old but has been foot-dragging on sending Nigeria’s most-wanted criminal suspect, Abba Kyari, to the US for alleged wire fraud trial. The Buhari-Osinbajo regime didn’t only ‘see no evil, hear no evil, say no evil’ in Kyari, he was allowed to continue his corruption ‘business as usual’ even after the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency released a video showing Kyari negotiating a drug deal. This is the heritage of failure Nigerians will suffer for eight years if Osinbajo becomes president.
Aside from Dariye and Nyame, who mismanaged over N3bn between them, I learnt that former Edo governor, Lucky Igbinedion, was also being considered for pardon – to make the APC rain of corruption fall on the leaky, tattered PDP umbrella, too.
Lamentably, under the Buhari-Osinbajo heritage of failure, all convicted ex-governors have either been pardoned or had their cases quashed at the Supreme Court, completely erasing the line between the PDP looters of yesterday and today’s APC robbers. I see the graceless smile on the face of ex-President Jonathan as whiter-than-snow Diepreye Alamieyeseigha stretches his hand of fellowship to saints Dariye and Nyame.
Who’s my candidate on the maggoty runway to the 2023 presidential election? Nobody! I dislike snakes even when they’re innocuous and sublimely embroidered.
For me, I’d rather we appoint an Interim National Government with equal representation from the six geopolitical zones, suspend the elections for one year to fashion out a people-oriented, credible constitution and conduct an accurate census after Buhari-Osinbajo exitted Aso Rock next May.
With a good constitution and an accurate census, the next Nigerian president would’ve less room to pander to corruption like Buhari and Osinbajo; the President wouldn’t need to pardon without parole, Dariye and Nyame, who have barely served three of the 12 years prison sentences.
Also the Asiwaju Bola Tinubu led-Lagos State wouldn’t reward MC Oluomo’s brigandage with the Chairmanship of Lagos Parks Management Committee, after being sacked by the National leadership of the National Union of Road Transport Workers.
The house called Nigeria has no water, doors, windows, toilets, roof, gate, light, furniture and food. A good constitution and census would provide a realistic starting point towards restoration. Without putting the Nigerian house in order before conducting the next elections, labourers build in vain.